In Our Own Voices: Serving the needs of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, & Transgender
People of Color, our Friends and Families.
Are you afraid of your partner?
You can get help by calling the LGBT Domestic Violence Support Line:
Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive, exploitative & violent tactics, used by one intimate partner against the other, in order to establish & maintain power, control and dominance.
Sometimes it is difficult to tell when a relationship has gone from simply unhealthy to DANGEROUS.
Your situation could easily fall in a GRAY area now, but abuse always escalates.
Are you in danger?
• blames you for everything that goes wrong in their life.
• verbally puts you down or puts down your accomplishments or goals.
• does not respect your decisions.
• embarrasses or ridicules you in front of your friends or family.
• tells you that you will never be a “real” man or woman.
• tells you that no one else will accept you/love you because of your gender expression.
• makes you feel guilty for saving or using your money for your transaction
• take the blame for everything that goes wrong in your relationship.
• apologize for your partner's behavior when you or others are treated badly.
• go along with the desires and actions of your partner because you do not want to upset them.
• uses drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you.
• becomes withdrawn, quiet, sullen or aggressive, angry and abusive when you are around
• does not trust you or accuses you of having affairs.
• threatens to reveal your HIV status or use your HIV status to justify having affairs.
• intentionally humiliates you in front of your family and friends.
• steals your money, food stamps, valuables to buy drugs etc.
• threatens to reveal to others that you are cross-dressing or Transgender.
• calls you several times a night or shows up to make sure you are where you said you would be.
• gives you a beeper or a phone so they can contact you at all times.
• expects you to spend all your time with them.
• hits, kicks, shoves or throws things at you when they are jealous or angry.
• threatens to “out” you to family, friends, co-workers or others.
• forces you to do things sexually that you don't want to do.
• drinks or uses drugs and becomes bossy, moody or violent.
• tries to get you to drink or use drugs when you have made it clear that you are not interested.
• threatens to kill themself if you try to end the relationship.
• treats you roughly – grabs, pushes, pinches, shoves or hits you.
• tries to keep you from leaving after a fight of leaves you somewhere after a fight to “teach you a lesson”.
• threatens to hurt your family or take your children if you try to leave the relationship.
• threatens you with calling CPS or the police and report you for being a bad parent.
• forces you to have unprotected sex.
• prevents you from taking your medications and/ or seeing your doctor.
• uses intimidation or threats to get you to do what they want.
Are you afraid of your partner? You can get help by calling the LGBT Domestic Violence Support Line: (518) 432-4341.
This project was supported by a grant administered by the NYS Division of Criminal Justice Services.
Points of view in this document are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the official position or policies of the Division of Criminal Justice Services. © In Our Own Voices, Inc., 2004